Sand, Snakes and the Hyuuga
by Lee-sanOnee-san and hibiyuru
Summary: Neji and two others have just been sent to a mental asylum ... HOW WILL HE COPE?...To make it worst, his physiatrist is a yaio obsessed nut and his sister ... well, read to find out! sasunaru
1. The so called mission

Lee-san Onee-san: YAY my first story! I would like to thank hibiyuru for helping me finish this chapter. THANK YOU! (waves arms up and down like a crazed fan girl)

Hibiyuru: Whatever…

LsOs: …

* * *

**The so-called mission...**

Neji POV:

Today was like any other day. I arose from my slumber; still feeling tired, and rubbed my eyes. As the sunlight poured into my room, I slowly got up and sat on my bed. I looked down at the floor trying to adjust my eyes, still blurred from the lack of sleep. My stomach started to rumble, when was it the last time I ate?

I hauled my self off my bed, slotted my feet into my slippers which had little pictures of sheep on them, their so cute… I stopped dead in my tracks and shuddered at the thought of ever saying that word. 'Ewwwwwww….' I pushed the thought into the back of my mind and made my way to the kitchen.

I passed Hanabi on the way. She was twelve now and had grown to be quite the ninja, with the help of my training here and there.

'Ohayo, Hanabi-san.' I greeted her.

She didn't reply. All her interest seemed to be on her new forehead protector she got last week and she didn't even notice Neji.

'Humph, she's cant even say hello to me, I thought. 'Is it because I'm from the Branch House? And the Main house can't even talk to us. No. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

We're soooooo superior…' I whined sarcastically.

'Neji nii-san.' called out a voice which snapped me out f my deep thoughts (LsOs: yeah, right. Neji: Shut up). 'Are you ok?' I turned around to see it was Hinata staring at me with a worried look in her eyes. Hinata didn't really look any different from when she was twelve except that now she had grown a couple of inches and she had become a lot more confident.

'Why?' I asked her.

'You were...muttering to your self about the Main house and I was...um... wondering if you were ok.'

I felt my cheeks slightly warm up. I had grown to like Hinata over the years after the chunin fight, and I felt like I could tell her anything, but still, she was in the

Main House... but when I look into her eyes I don't think about the problems between are two families, I just think of how I am the eldest, and I have to look after her...

Oh god, I'm starting to lose my cool. I straighten up and reassure her that I'm ok. She smiles, then gasps and mutters something about Kiba and how she is late.

'I've got to go!'

'You have a date with Kiba again.' I tease her.

Her face became extremely flushed. She and Kiba have been going out for a while now, he annoys me sometimes, but he makes Hinata happy, and that's good enough for me.

'Bye.' she waves as she disappears down the hall.

As soon as I hear her footsteps fade away into the distance, I continue on my journey to the kitchen once again. 'Ok, she does acknowledge me, even though she is from the Main House...' I said out loud'…maybe I'm getting a bit too paranoid about the Main house; I mean I have become a jounin. That must mean something…'

My sentence was cut short, for there was someone in my kitchen, sitting on one of the bar stools, his head embedded in their arms which were sprawled across the cool granite counter top. His ebony hair poked out the top of his arm, which was scraped back into a spiky ponytail. Only one ninja had that hairdo and had the nerve to sleep on the job…

'Shikamaru…' I mumbled. 'Lazy bum…how dare he sleep in my kitchen…'

I've only been a jounin for a month now, but Shika, he's been one since he was twelve. HOW! I'm friggin' one year older than him! I screamed in my head.

I could feel my whole entire body shake with anger, my palms started to sweat. I wanted to lash out at something, at him, so I grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a bowl of pancake mix. Hinata must have left it out, she was in such a rush… and I through it at the lazy ninja. The bowl smacked right into Shika's head, the mix splayed all over the place, but mostly all in his hair.

I felt the corners of my mouth tug upwards into one of my smirks. Heh, heh, heh… The dopey ninja stirred slightly. He lifted up his hand and rubbed his head.

'Kuso…' I hear him mumble. He slowly lifted himself from the counter. Shikamaru didn't seem to realise for a brief second that I was in the kitchen. He seemed to be more interested on the large lump on his head. 'Owwww… what the hell…' He removed his hand slowly from the back of his head. 'Am I bleeding? My hands wet…' He said out loud with a note of panic in his voice. He slowly removed his hand from his head, and brought it in front of his face to see that it covered not in blood but in a gooey substance.

'O.o WTH!' He brought his hand slowly towards his mouth and licked to unknown substance from his hand. 'Mmmm, Hinata's famous pancake mix. But why is it on my head?' He raised his head from his hand, to see me staring write back at him. My smile disappeared instantly. Shika stumbled backwards slightly. 'Neji? Do you know what happened?'

Crap. What am I gonna say. I briefly scanned the kitchen for anything to blame it on, but noting, so I looked down at the floor for some inspiration, when I spotted one of Hanabi's hair bands.

'Hanabi… err was passing me the pancake mix when she…slipped and accidentally spilt it all over you, and since she has this BIG…HUGE….um….CRUSH on…YOU, err… she ran away in embarrassment! Yeh, that's what she did.' I lied.

There was a silence, which seemed to go on forever. I didn't dare look up at his face.

He doesn't believe me! I cried in my head. He's gonna tell the Hokage, then she'll demote me for attacking him, and then I'll never be able to make a name for the Branch family…and then I'll have to run away and forget my life as a ninja and…and I'll have to become one of those 'runaway carnival kids', I don't like clown's…

My little nightmare was cut short by the sound of a soft chuckling. I raised my head to look at the reaction of Shika. But to my amazement, a small smile had crawled across his face.

He sighed 'Women, so troublesome sometimes, neh?'

I nodded my head. Ha, he believed me…baka. "So what exactly do you want then?"

"Tsunade-sama has a mission for you; she claims that it's a very important mission that only you can help her with."

* * *

So I was out side of the Hokage's office. I knocked on the door. 'Come in!' I heard. I pushed the door open. The Hokage was sitting at her desk, knocking back a bottle of sake, as usual! All that booze was starting to make her look fat.

"Hello Neji" she said in a deadly sweet voice. Oh god, was she drunk again? I shuddered. The memory of the last office party where she got drunk, and what she did resonated in my mind. I've seen to many things….

I pushed down the images of that night and walked up to the desk. "Ohayo Tsunade-sama, I hear you have a _special_ mission for me."

"Yes follow me,' she walked over to her desk, and picked up a white book. She flipped through the pages, and then stopped on the page with a picture of me on it. Why?

'Here I have a chart of your behavioural patterns, I have kept these bar charts ever since I can remember, and they reflect the levels of you're abilities depending on what mood you're in. Recently your mood has been running low, so this reflects on your performance. I can no longer give you happy pills as they will affect your body and stamina.'

'Happy pill? What happy pills?' I shouted.

'The ones which I have been putting in your water canteen you take on every mission.' She smiled.

O.o

'As the Hokage of Leaf Village' she continued 'I will not allow behaviour like your own run down you're team mates therefore I will be putting you in a 'speak you're mind' classes. You will go to a special clinic for two weeks where you will sort out all your problems. If you do not cooperate I will have to suspend you from any missions for three months!'

Uh… I didn't know what to say, that cow was feeding me happy pill so I could go on my missions? She's going down. "Phst, fine, I'll go, but who else will be going because I know I'm not the only one with problems."

"Oh you know…People." She was being vague. Why?

* * *

LsOs: YAY! I'm FINISHSD!

R&R

Ps. If I don't get 4 reviews I'm not updating! pout

Nej: Baka...

LsOs: (glare) Hmph. Anyway, Ja ne


	2. Happy Friggin Pills and Unwanted love…

LsOn: I would like to thank hibiyuru for helping me finish this chapter. THANK YOU!

I dont own Naruto...If I did Tenten would aready be dead...

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Chapter Two: Happy Friggin Pills and Unwanted love….

Neji's P.O.V

I was walking home from the Hokage's office. I was so angry with what she told me… 'How could she say I HAVE PROBLEMS?' I screamed in my head. I could feel me anger swell up inside of me. I wanted to break something, hurt something, to release the tension building up. Then I started to hear her voice in my head…

'I can no longer give you happy pills, happy pill, happy pills,………………………………………../silence/…happy pills….'

'So that's the only reason I hadn't hurt any of my team members on any of my missions.' I mused to my self. On most of my jounin missions, I had been placed in a team consisting of:

The protagonist aka lazy bum- Shikamaru (do get me wrong, he's a good guy and all, but man, he's lazy…)

The oh-so-loving- Lee… (Spent too many years with him…and his long ass speeches of how he's gonna-kick-my-butt… only to kick it once when I wasn't at my best, proberly those happy pills affecting me….kuso…)

And the one and only cold-hearted basted Uchiha. (Well…um…I don't know why I hate him; maybe it's because he thinks he's soooooo hot, with his ebony hair blowing in the wind…) I kind of mumbled out load.

"But no one's hair can compare to yours…" I hear a voice whisper into my ear. I turned my head around only to find that no one was there. I felt a chill run up my spine.

"It couldn't be…" I mumbled to my self. "May be it was the damn pills having its effect on me again." I laughed nervously". I continued to turn around, but no one still wasn't there. Either I was crazy or this person was just good. I started to get frustrated… no one's better than ME!

"That's it! I had it with you, show your self and fight like a man."

In a poof of smoke, a girl with her hair tied up in two high buns, appears in front of me and screamed "Neji-kun!" in my ear.

"… Crap." I scrunched my eyes shut. _Maybe if I keep my eyes closed she'll go away_. After two minutes of standing there, I opened one of my eyes to see if she was gone only to see her smiling at me, her eyes twinkled and she blushed at me …Ewwwwwww... I quickly closed my eye again.

"_Ok, plan one failed, so I have to go to plan two!"_ I manically clicked my heels together three times and mumbled "There's no place like home. There's no place like home!"

Come on it has to work… I had just found out about my taking happy pills and now…NOW I have to deal with the ultimately annoying FAN GIRL! Why fate? Why? Well it was my fault for saying yes to her asking me out….I hung my head in shame.

"Neji-kun." She said again placing her hand on my face… My eyes shot open…I tried to move but the shock of her touching me was too great…I think I'm gonna hurl….

Tenten, over the years, had become increasingly annoying. She turned into a Sakura clone. All ways nagging me: 'Neji-kun will you go out with me….Neji- kun will you go and do this for me…Neji-kun…. NEJI-KUN!'

Unlike Sasuke I leant to approach my fan girls in a different way. Ah yes, I was quite the heart breaker back in the day. But Tenten persisted with me, it was highly annoying. I thought if I lead them on and then dumped them harshly, they would leave me alone, I was very mistaken. Tenten wouldn't go away.

"Tenten, I'm not in the mood." I growled

"Neji-kun, LETS HAVE A TEA PARTY." Throwing her hands up in the air.

"Not another tea party, we had one yesterday, Tenten." I protested.

"Neji, I'll have none of your whining, come lets buy some fine china." There was no use arguing with that woman. I sighed in defeat and followed her to the shop and she began to pick up all sorts of mugs and plates. Why were women so extra? Why couldn't they just buy normal mugs, plain ones, why? What's with all the god damn flowers in this shop?

"Neji darling, calm down, I can hear you thinking." She cooed in my ear.

I could feel my head throb. That's it. Its time for plan three…no one calls me darling. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. "Tenten." I looked her in the eye. "I'm going to a mental asylum and I'm breaking up with you."

Her eyes were twitching, not a good sign I can assure you. "Neji," she huffed. "Father will never let me marry a mental person; I guess this is good bye."

"Yes. Good bye, Tenten!" I said as I turned around to leave. But then something

"What do you mean 'good bye Tenten…I meant to say, Good Bye Konoha!"

O.O "What?"

"Yes Neji, lets elope! We can be like Bonnie and Clyde." She screamed once again in my ear. You see over the years Tenten had become much like Lee, very dramatic, very persistent. She started to run towards me in slo-mo with flowers appearing behind her…shudder…. She jumped up into the air, expecting me to catch her…but I just moved out of the way at the last moment and let her fall into the big display of floral-printed china behind me.

CRASH

Everyone in the shop: O.O

"NEJI-KUN! WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH ME?" She whined…" DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

I looked down at her with disgust. "Tenten, there's no way to let you down gently but…I DO NOT LOVE YOU, LEAVE ME ALONE." With that I stormed out of the shop, leaving her on her own, it didn't matter to me if she cried. I would feel better if she was emotionally crushed and she would have to take her own life because of it… heh heh heh….funny. I laughed to my self at the thought and skipped all the way home thinking of the many ways Tenten could die….

Tenten P.O.V

"Ah, shucks, he must really love me; he had a fit so that when he goes, I'll be able to move on, how sweet." She sighed as she watched her love skip away into the sunset.

* * *

I was on my way to the Hyuuga mansion, but this time I sprinted. I didn't want to have to 'bump' into anyone. Maybe this is what Hokage meant. Maybe I am too mean and anti social? Who cares anyway?

So any way, I went to the Hyuuga mansion to pack my stuff when I found someone else moving into my room. I had to hand it Hiashi- sama, he sure was fast when it came to getting rid of me.

"Neji- san," said Hiashi, "Here are you're bags, get well soon nephew."

"Hn, What ever…mutters Old twat, just wants to get rid of me." I snatched the bags from his lose grasp and fled for the front door. "By the way, I was never ill Hiashi- sama. Oh and you don't need to worry about having you're tenants move out of my room, I'll be moving soon myself." And with that said, I slammed the door.

Hiashi- sama P.O.V

"Very well Neji-san, farewell." Why was he so bitter, I only put tenants in there to maintain the room…DUH!

Neji's P.O.V

As I reached the door to the outside world two people crossed my path, it was Hinata and Hanabi. Hanabi I'll miss but Hinata… well I guess I'll miss her too.

"N-neji-niisan, Arigatou, for everything you've done for me, taking care of me, helping me whispers nearly killing me, g-good luck for the future, please remember even if you go m-mad, you will always have a place here." Said Hinata.

"What she said, Neji-nii san, Good luck."

"Arigatou, both of you, take care Hanabi…mutters Hinata" I said. I turned to walk down my new road in life. From this point on my life will never be the same, people will no longer look at me in the same light. They will no longer say 'Wow mummy, one day I wanna be like him!' They will now point and say 'Hahaha…look at the Hyuuga, he's gone crazy.'

'… Screw them.'

* * *

I had final reached the 'asylum'. I mentally (LsOs: ha, ha, ha, mental. Neji: sweat drop) sighed as I reached for the door handle. As the light of the sun poured into the room I had to shield his eyes from the bright whiteness of the room. Everything was so shiny, it reflected the light.

'AHhhh MY EYES …IT BURNS!' one voice screamed out.

'Arrgh, Gai's smile isn't even equal to the whiteness!' Shouted another.

The room was soon filled with the groans and screams of pain that I was putting them through… ku, ku, ku…I would had loved to of stood there all day but the light was also blinding me so I quickly walked in and closed the door behind me.

I rubbed my eyes to try and regain my sight, which came back quickly due to the many years of Gai and Lee's blinding smiles. I looked around the room to see the one's who I had tortured for that brief moment of time.

.: Whose there cuss I'm too lazy to make it sound interesting…:. _DUN DUN DUN._

Team 7: Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke.

Sand Nins: Garaa, Kurankuro and Temari.

My team: Lee, Tenten and Gai.

And for some reason: The Hokage, her assistant, Shikamaru, Ino, that man who sells the Ramen and many more….

.: Back to story:.

'Neji-kun!' Screamed my team as they came running towards me. First I was glomped by Tenten….then Lee…. But I drew the line at Gai…but he was too strong…they're crushing me…I can't breathe.

As I started to black out, I heard a coughing noise. Gai, Lee and Tenten looked up from their glomping feast to see the coughing was coming from, giving me a chance to escape. I slip through their arms…shudder… I felt so unclean now.

She called for the three patients to bid their goodbyes and come up with their bags. Finally I was going to see who my institution buddies were going to be…

Gaara of the desert and Uchiha Sasuke were stood up. They were all shooting Tsunade-sama and her assistant plus the physiatrist death glares. I decide to do the same it was their fault that I was there. So these were going to be my companion for two weeks. Great.

* * *

Well thats all I can write for now...

R&R


	3. Fans, fights and freaks

O.O sorry I haven't updated in like …..Forever… I had work at school to do ;;;;;

Thanks again to hibiyuru for helping me with this one

And thank you for the reviews I'm loved.

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Chapter Three: Fans, fights and freaks.

OMG Neji's P.O.V

The three boys were in the standing in middle of the main entrance nearly butt naked, why you may ask, well they had been denied access to go further on through the building because security wanted to check for any "pointy things" they may be smuggling in and of course they couldn't let them bring pointy things into a padded room.

The only thing that stood in between the prying eyes of the fan girls who suddenly appeared out of nowhere…proberly their "omghawtboysarenaked" senses were tingling or the fact that some of them were stalking/ waiting outside for them... I guess we'll never know… and their naked butts were their undergarments and the man-made forcefield created of chakra made by the jounin's… we they didn't want a massacre on their hands, the floors were just cleaned… DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD TO KEEP WHITE FLOORS CLEAN? Um… ahem…..

If our heroes only knew that they would be searched in front of everyone, Neji and Garaa would have made sure that they wore different pants and were now trying to hide in the shadows of which were of their ashamedness.

Sasuke however had a different approach, he was standing proud in his tight rainbow slips that read 'THATS RIGHT GAY AND PROUD', he even stood on a table and occasionally spun around on the spot, just to make sue that everyone got a good view of his butter pants. This made some of the fan girls back off although most still lurked around to get a better view of his back side. Garaa and I shot him odd looks.

"You knew?" I said, my eye twitching, "You knew about this whole strip search thing and you couldn't TELL US?"

"Knew what?" said Sasuke "OH YOU MEAN ABOUT THE UNDERPANTS DARLING, WELL IT'S ONLY COMMON SENCE...BABE!"

Neji: Insert-many-flamboyant-and-colourful-curses-and-profanities-here.

The security and fangirls ignored the screaming that came from me and kept carried on viewing, security were still prodding at my broad muscular shoulder while others giggled at his pants which wrote 'Boku wa...so, so sexy'

Since I was busy fuming, I didn't notice it when a hand crept lower then it should have, touching something it should have…causing me to jumped back and make a feeble attempt to cover up my 'man hood', "WHAAAA, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Neji, dear, there's no need to be acting so shrill, I'm only doing my job darling." said the security woman.

"...would you like to specify what exactly that is?"

"Did you see that? She was trying to touch your man!" screamed Sakura from somewhere within the crowd.

"OMG she did!" screamed Tenten.

"Wadda ya mean YOUR man? Neji's mine, and you better stay away from Sasuke and Garaa too!" shouted random nin girl number 12#

"WHAT!" shrieked 99 of the crowd as they pushed harder against the man-made barrier created by the jounin's to protect they beloved white floor from being trampled on… oh how it sparkled and shined in the sunlightsigh dreamily err…and their students I guess.

"Oh no" random jounin number 5# shouted "The barrier's breaking, don't remove your hands or it will completely shatter!" (its like a chakra forcefield which has never been seen in the likes of Naruto before except for the Hyuga's kaiten…and proberly many other moves but I just cant remember… but those don't count shall be there because I say so there so HA!)

Just at that point Kakashi who was not paying any attention dropped his book on the floor, and bent down to pick it up… and guess what… he let go of the forcefield

All jounin's: O.O

Kakashi just stared 'What? It was getting good.' He whined, then he looked around himself and realised what he just did…

'Oh…opps…heh heh' ;

Then it happened…… the stampede of the 'Ye Olde Mental Place of Doom-ed'… 10984.9023 people lost there lives that day… crushed by rabid fan girls trying to get to the three nearly naked heroes who later on after being captured declared that they would rather die than be with them and committed suicide by stabbing themselves… well Garaa survived because of the sand and he couldn't ask Sasuke to do chidori on him, since he was dead and everything… So he had to live his days with the annoying fan girls playing snap and cooking brownies for ever and ever and…until he realised that he could crush them with his sand… and he did just that. Now free from the evil clutches of evil people who are so evilly evil…yes…um, he set off in a boat made out of love, hugs and kisses and sailed all the way home where he was reunited with his brother and sister, became Kazekage, and didn't get killed by the Akasuki…who all died in a nasty case of the "cooties"… and they lived happily ever after… The end…

…

- ;;;; I wished that happened… oh how I do… but it didn't so SHAME! What really happened was that Garaa _WAS_ going to crush them with his sand but decided against it since he was sure he was here mainly because of _that problem, _so he chose door number 2 and let his siblings protect him since he was younger, therefore weaker…cough well that's only true in Sasuke case… but we're talking about Garaa here… and his siblings! YAY! Well anyway, as his big brother and sister did their older sibling thing, Garaa decided that it would be safer to take refuge under the table which Sasuke had been strutting his stuff on before only to find Sasuke and Neji already hiding under there…

Many jounin tried and died to fend off the fan girl from hurting their beloved table and shiny floor from getting scratched err….and students

A petite woman approached the group that were heroically defending coughHIDINGcough under the one name Table. Since Neji had incredible- mad- l33t- ninja skills he was able to detect her before she tapped Sasuke on the shoulder which caused him to jump up and hit his head on the table. Oh how he wished that he had s like Neji, but alas he was cursed with super-awesome- mad-l33t-ninja –skill… which still made him better that the Hokage… so everything was okay…

The small woman let a small giggle pass through her lips. Her pinky/purple eyes gazed over our lovable trio. Her white lab jacket was stained with something that resembled dried up blood seemed to flutter in the wind which had mysteriously started out of nowhere. She pointed her hand up to the sky and dark clouds appear.

A look of glee swept across her face… "Ok... its time."

* * *

O.O Time for what?

O/O I don't know!

Why not?... meh….

Sorry this one's short but…I….er….. runs away

R&R


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